Roundhouse, Shmoundhouse -- Try Teeth and Claws

Sassy does not sleep. She waits.

There is no theory of squirrel evolution. There are just those squirrels Sassy allows to live.

Sassy doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Sassy pajamas.

Sassy doesn’t actually write blog posts; the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Sassy destroyed the periodic table because she only recognizes the element of surprise.

Sassy doesn't throw up if she eats too much. Sassy throws down!

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sassy.

Sassy was what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it’s a Sasstatorship.

(Adapted from Chuck Norris Facts.)

King Freak

My humans just watched the movie King Kong, which they've had on DVD since, hmm, oh yeah, my male human's birthday in July. They are so lame. Anyway, have you seen this? What a freak of nature! I mean, I guess that's the point. But Santa Maria! That thing was as big as a building! A very hairy and probably extremely smelly building.

The movie was so-so. I didn't find Adrian Brody to be the obnoxious yahoo I usually do, maybe because he wasn't in the central role. Still, I much preferred the gigantic monkey.

I thought many of the action scenes weren't realistic in any sense of the word. I also found them, frankly, boring. Just like the car chase scene in Matrix 2 -- bor-ing. When your action scenes are boring, you've got trouble. It announces to the world that you're so short on story you've got to fill screen time with all of this EXCITING ACTION and these FABULOUS SPECIAL EFFECTS! Yeah, well, I'm not buying it. Here's a tip: edit the darn movie! Three hours is ridiculous. What American can sit still for that long these days? I don't want to work for this. I'm here to be entertained! And for my maximum entertainment, it must be done within two hours or be extra-fabulous. This wasn't either.

So I give it a dewclaw half up. It was okay overall, with some good points, and it made my female human cry at the end, so I guess that's something. (Of course, if she sees any animal hurt, real or not, she cries like a baby, so maybe I shouldn't count that.) If it had been trimmed to a reasonable two hours, I think I could find it in my critical little heart to give it a dewclaw all the way up. Let's hope Peter Jackson doesn't get so enamored with the special effects in his next film that he forgets his audience and their limited attention spans. I've heard that he did a great job with the LOTR trilogy, so maybe this is an aberration. I hope so.

Mi Yarda Es Su Yarda

Finally my humans left the camera where I could reach it so I could take pictures of our yard. Well, the trees and sky anyway. It was tricky with no thumbs (these dewclaws aren't really functional, you know), but I managed. Molly helped a little.

Look how pretty (click on image for larger view):

Help!

Just a quick note, mis amigos, while Molly is sleeping. I don't want her to come snuffle her way into this, too. Not that I expect her to wake up any time soon: she is the Ms. Universe Grand Pooh-Bah of sleeping. But I just wanted to say that it is COLD outside now, REALLY COLD, I STILL cannot sleep on the bed, AND I can't get Molly to go chase a squirrel and never come back. So I have no expectation of getting back on the bed any time soon. My humans are all caught up in what they call being "fair"; I'm not sure what that means, but I think it may mean "dedicated to making Sassy miserable on a regular basis."

So, to recap, I am COLD, on the FLOOR, and Molly is still snorting and snoring and grunting and generally keeping me from enjoying my life as I used to. Somebody help me!