Sassafras Boodle Gray

Crisis

2010-01-29T15:25:00.002-06:00

This will be brief, as I have to type as quickly as I can with paws, claws, and no opposable thumbs.

We are still in our sad situation but I do take advantage of my humans' fondness for me and run around the house inspecting everything when I first come inside for the night. I don't think they realize how much they need me. Who knows what could be lurking in a bedroom if I don't make sure it's all clear?

Also, I recently turned 6. SIX. That makes me MIDDLE-AGED. How could this have happened? Where has my youth gone?!

The worst thing is that my humans completely forgot about it. It must have been two weeks past the date when my female human finally told me happy birthday. To her credit, she felt bad about forgetting it. But she still forgot it.

I'm feeling little sorry for myself today. I think I'll have a combination birthday/pity party a little later. Isn't that what middle-aged people do?

And then I think I'll go out and buy a sports car.

Hola!

2009-03-11T08:51:00.004-05:00

I know it's been forever, but it is almost impossible to get on the computer these days. For one thing, my male human is on it quite a bit, but most importantly, I'M OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME. When we do get to come in, we're immediately herded into a tiny room. It's disgraceful.

However, I am wily and dexterous, so I finally managed to get on the computer for a second. Look, here is something I found that's kind of funny: LOL Cats
Ha ha, stupid cats can't spell.

Aw, I just found this LOL Dogs
Those dogs can't spell either! Hm, that's not very realistic. And not nearly as funny. There's something fishy there...

Well, like I said, I don't have much time, so this isn't going to be quite up to my usual brilliance. Oh, I do want to share with you something Molly said the other day; it was actually quite profound. She said, "I'm not sure I believe that the speed of light is constant. Why just the other day, I a;lsefj

Whoops! Gotta g

I Need a Dog Lawyer. A Pawyer?

2008-12-03T08:43:00.003-06:00

I don't like the turn things have taken.

We have moved to a new house, I'm not sure exactly where, only that it was a loooong trip, and now I can't even come inside?? They stuck us in a yard, gave us a sad little igloo thing to live in (it's actually pretty nice for short stretches of time, but I don't know where the other two are going to lay down), and only let us come in when it's really cold or raining! And then only into a tiny room!

I protest!

Poop Deck

2008-10-29T09:55:00.005-05:00

The other night I was lying peacefully on the bed (ssshhhhh) while my female human was giving the little human a bottle nearby. All of a sudden we heard Penny yelping in the kitchen, her little nails scrabbling for purchase on the linoleum. I jumped down to investigate and she shot past me up on to the bed, right up next to the female human, who looked down and said, "Penny!" And then called for her husband to come get Penny because she was spooked by... her own poop.

Yes, this brain trust had not only gone for a poop in the house, which she knows she's not supposed to do, but when a pooplet got stuck to her booty, it completely freaked her out. I mean, freaked. her. out. She was as scared as she could be. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It was really funny. Really, really funny. Ha ha ahahahahahahahahahaha. Even the female human started laughing and that was after Penny jumped on the bed WITH POOP ATTACHED.

Fortunately (from the humans' perspectives), the poop was pretty firm and thus easy to clean up, no big deal.

Oh, too much information? Aren't we a squeamish bunch today?

ps - My female human wants to add a note.

Hi, Sassy's audience! Just a note for the human perspective on this. Imagine trying to give your baby a bottle in peace and quiet, so he will drift off to sleep, so much so that you haven't even tried to get one dog off the bed because she's very stubborn (ed. note - Hey!) and you don't want to wake the baby up, and all of a sudden you hear a dog in a frothing panic in the next room and are imagining all kinds of things -- a mouse, a rat, God forbid a snake? And here she comes, a little chubby part-Chihuahua, big eyes even more wild than usual, flying up on the bed to get away from this horror that's terrorizing her... backside. The pooplet came flying off as she reached me and rolled next to me, and I was a little panicked myself at this point because, you know, WHAT WAS IT? All of this while trying to be quiet and calm, mind you, don't forget that. Then I saw that it was POOP. OMG, Penny. So I picked up the pooplet and called A as calmly and quietly as I could and he came and got Penny and the pooplet, and we all moved on. And I don't think Bunny was even that disturbed. That's how good I am. (ed. note - normally I don't go for this sort of conceit, well, in others, anyway, but I have to admit she handled this situation pretty well. Especially given that it was Penny. I think her new name should be OMG Penny. Inflection and all.)

Long Time No Write! (Well, Type)

2008-09-29T14:54:00.005-05:00

I haven't written because it has been busy and yet uneventful lately. Oxymoronic, I know, but what's a puppy to do? I just report the facts.

Penny is still irritating, still on the hip-hop thing. She moved on to Jam Doggy, Four Pawz, MC Lil' Dogg, and finally Lil' Luv, which I found absolutely hilarious. I think she should go with Lil' Diva, that suits her. But Molly and I still won't go along with her names, so she's been a lil' aggravated.

Molly is still... well, Molly, and my humans are the same as usual. I still can't figure out why the little one gets more attention than I do, I mean, I was here first, hello!

Hmph. Whatevs.

Oh! A couple of weeks ago my male human took Molly out during the night and she ran around the side of the house and wouldn't come when he called her. So he went back in to get a flashlight. Upon his return outside, he heard a horrible gurgling scream and ran around the side of the house in time to see Molly shaking an opposum like a limp rag. Erk. I mean, Go, Molly! I mean, How uncivilized! Oh, I don't know what I mean, I'm just glad I wasn't there.

My male human was disgusted and hasn't felt the same about Molly since. Because there's more. Apparently Molly, in her zeal, actually decapitated the poor unwitting creature. (And she says she's a delicate Southern flower. Delicate, my furry posterior!)

AND THEN the next day when my male human went out to discard the pieces, they were gone. Vanished into the night, leaving nary a wrack behind. I mean, not even blood. We have cats in the neighborhood, of course, and probably hungry ones at that, but... that is some thorough work.

Excuse me, I just came all over faint for a moment for some reason. I think it's too hot in here.

Mi Vida

2008-05-12T16:17:00.022-05:00

Penny moved on to P. Doggy but we still refuse to humor her. She's persistent, I'll give her that. One might even say obstinate.

The humans have been staying away and coming home at odd hours. I don't like it when they do this. Where do they go? What do they do? Why can't I go? I notice they always take the tiny human with them. Why does he get to go? I've been here longer, I think seniority should count for something. Or señority. Ha.

Well, I guess technically it would be señorita-y, which isn't funny at all. *sigh*

Not too much happening here, as you can see. Molly is much the same as ever, except really itchy too. She gets bitten by everything and her skin is always irritated and inflamed. As she keeps telling us, she's a delicate Southern flower.

Delicate, yo.

For Pity's Sake

2008-04-24T12:22:00.001-05:00

Now she's trying to make us call her P-Dawg...

Pen-tervention

2008-04-23T09:19:00.004-05:00

Penny is really getting on my nerves. She's rebellious without being really good at it, you know? I think she's too lazy.

Lately she's been trying to make us call her Penz (very emphatically with a z), she's been talking about getting another tattoo (even though she won't let anyone touch her ears without yelping), and she's been listening to Punk Dawgs and Hounds of Hell whenever she can get her paws on the computer. And I swear I caught her smoking the other day. I don't even know what it was, since no one here smokes. She probably found a cigarette butt on the ground. Gag. Come to think of it, how did she light the bloomin' thing? Hmm. I have to ponder this. Maybe she's smarter than I've been giving her credit for.

I just realized she has been really itchy lately. The humans have commented on it. Even after a bath and flea treatment she's crazy itchy. Dios mio, I hope she hasn't gotten mixed up with drugs. Where would she even get anything? I mean, we do have some shady characters loitering along the street behind our house, but I've never noticed Penny paying particular attention. This is a mystery. Could she really have a whole other personality that we've never suspected? A secret life?

Nah. She's about to turn two, so it's probably just a pesky teen thing that she'll get past soon. And she probably just has sensitive skin; itchiness isn't a lot to go on to determine whether or not she's a doggy junkie.

But if I have to stage an intervention for her, I am not going to be happy.

Over It

2008-03-27T10:37:00.004-05:00

Penny is getting pushier every day. Sometimes I sneak up on the humans' bed when they are asleep to try to catch a few comfy winks. Who usually jumps up there and ruins everything? Well, yes, of course Penny, I didn't exactly keep that mysterious, did I? Anyway, she's extremely loud when she jumps up because her little short legs have to scrabble for purchase, and inevitably the humans wake up and off we go. Even then, she tries to dig in and stay and they are pushing, pushing, trying to get her to jump off. She's so stubborn, or stupid, or... something.

Can you tell she's back to driving me loco? No more philosophic goodwill to all from the Sass. Been there, done that, bought the refrigerator magnet, aaaannnd we're over it.

Loco!

2008-03-13T15:57:00.003-05:00

And I thought Penny was crazy. Well, she is, but this is a whole new country in the land of Not Quite All There.

Mis Companeras

2008-02-25T09:29:00.014-06:00

I've been in philosophic mood lately, and here's what I've been thinking about mis compañeras, Molly and Penny. Molly went to the doctor Saturday for her annual shots. She also had her nails trimmed and her ears cleaned. (Of everything she had done, she's complained the most about her ears.) She hasn't felt well since, so she's been grumpy. I think she feels better today, which is good, because I don't like it when Molly is upset and different. She's usually so steady that it throws everything off. She's my anchor, I guess.

Penny, on the other hand... Well, I suppose she's pretty steady, too, in her own wild way. She got shut down by Molly a couple of times in the last couple of days, but it didn't faze her in the least. I can't decide if I admire her for that, like she's just that optimistic and persevering, or if I pity her for it, like maybe she's mildly retarded. Well, she seems pretty happy, so I suppose I'm a little admiring/envious either way.

Here's Penny in a nutshell: needy and demanding, tempermental and touchy, but wholeheartedly in love with her humans and Molly and me. There's nothing halfway about Penny. On the whole, I think that's kind of endearing.

Don't tell her I said so or she'll be completely unbearable.

Leesville Ink?

2008-02-14T14:52:00.008-06:00

You may or may not be familiar with Penny, aka the Bane of My Existence. Here is a picture to remind you.

Note the eyes. Definitely Satan's spawn.

I don't know if you've noticed her ear. Specifically, the tatoo in her ear. It is a green X and she's inordinately proud of it.

Lately she's taken to calling herself "Dog Von D."

She watches way too much television, if you ask me.

Happy New Blah

2008-01-14T16:14:00.000-06:00

2008 has started off pretty tame. I don’t know, I’m kind of restless, I guess. I’m not sure why. Perhaps because it's... wait for it... my birthday! ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Sassy! I’m four years old, if you can believe that. Four years I’ve graced this puny little world with my beauty and poise, bringing joy into humdrum lives. And now I can do it globally, thanks to Our Friend the Internet. (You're welcome, World!)

Polly and Minnie aren’t helping my restlessness any; they are as annoying as ever. Oh, Molly and Penny, I mean. Look, I can’t be bothered with petty details. I’m too busy being bored and superior. Er, I mean learning and growing.

The new little human is okay, but I still think I should be allowed on the bed and in the humans’ laps. After all, I was here first. What makes him so special? Well, okay, he is human and I suppose I can see why that would work to his advantage here. But I am adorable. He’s not bad, for a human, I'll admit he smells pretty good, but have you seen me? No contest. Plus I have very soft, extremely pettable fur. He most certainly does not.

Whatever. It’s not like I need to be on laps or beds. It’s just softer that way.

What's Up, Dog?

2007-12-24T13:05:00.000-06:00

Not long after my last post, I got really sick again. My male human had to take me to a clinic in the middle of the night and then to another doctor the next day, and then my female human ended up taking me to yet another doctor a few days after that! It was miserable. Poked, prodded, stuck with sharp things, left alone in a cage in a strange place... I wasn't feeling so sassy then, I can tell you. What is up with this?

Now I'm back on yucky food but I guess it's for the greater good. Mine, that is, and my humans'. They are much happier now that the Sassinator is back. Molly and Penny aren't, as they now have to fall back in line. And eat the same yucky food.

Oh, how I love that silver lining.

Going to the Dogs

2007-11-24T13:10:00.000-06:00

Well, attention remains scarce, as the humans are still preoccupied with the baby. He is louder now, talking and yelling and laughing, and the humans are enthralled. It's sickening.

Speaking of sickening, the humans have all been. Sick, that is. Good for me, because I like to steal the tissues and chew them up. Yes, you read that right, that's what I said. Don't judge me. My life isn't so easy anymore, plus, as they say, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Ooh, SNAP.

On the up side, since the humans feel guilty about ignoring me (and are in a weakened state, heh), they let me get away with more than they were, little things like sometimes sitting on their laps or slipping onto the bed for a snooze. Every little bit is good, more like things used to be. But overall, it's still a colder, less civilized world. Take Thanksgiving, for example. Once I would have been taken along to celebrate with the family and given turkey dog food, at the very least, if not actual people food. But no more.

I don't like this new primitive way of life, except for administering the occasional Penny smackdown. Sadly, they aren't as frequent as they used to be; she's doing much better now that Molly and I came to an understanding with her. But Dios mio, those two are like wild animals! How can they be so happy to just run around, eat dog food, and sleep, and scratch, and stink? *shudder* Just writing about it is giving me hives. I need a nap. Maybe I can sneak onto the bed...

Baby Blues

2007-09-12T15:52:00.001-05:00

Well, it was just as Molly suspected, my female human had a puppy! I mean baby! Whatever. Either way, I don't like it. It was hard enough getting the attention and respect I deserve with Molly and Penny around, now it's impossible.

I don't know why they like it so much, anyway, all it does is lay there. And sometimes it cries. Well, that's not strictly true, that's all it did at first but now it is waving its arms and legs and talking (though I can't understand a word it says) and apparently smiling and laughing, from what the humans say when they stand over it mesmerized. Whatever.

Molly says the baby is a he, meaning a male human. It doesn't seem like much of a human to me -- it babbles inconsequentially, doesn't pet me or play with me, and most importantly, doesn't seem to know where the treats are -- but Molly assures me it is. She's lived with them before, so I suppose she knows what she's talking about. So it is something referred to as a "boy." Whatever.

Oh yeah, to catch you up, the humans disappeared two days after my last post and my female human didn't come back for three days and when she did it was with this baby thing. I really think they should have consulted me about something as important as this, but no, as usual, it's ignore the Sass. That's fine. Whatever. No big deal. Nothing I'm going to get my fur in a bunch over.

Here I Am!

2007-07-07T12:19:00.000-05:00

Hello, everybody! I know I've been remiss in my posting, so I decided to take a moment while I've got the chance. Usually the humans are on the computer or the little annoyance is in the way, so I can't get up here. But now all is calm.

Things are much the same as usual: Molly still sleeps a lot, Penny still annoys us all, I'm still wonderful and the light of my humans' lives...

There has been some moving around and adding of furniture lately and a lot of boxes and things sitting around. There's a rocking chair we aren't allowed on, some kind of small cage thing that swings back and forth in the bedroom, and a new dresser. From what Molly says, this is related to my female human's huge belly. And I use the term advisedly. I think I mentioned that it was getting harder to fit on her lap lately? Well, forget it now, folks, it's impossible.

I have a bad feeling about all of this. It was bad enough when they brought Penny home, and now, who knows what will be coming home? Molly had puppies when she was younger, and she said her belly got big for a while and then all of a sudden, there were puppies! So she says that is what is happening with the female human. Great! Just what we need, a lot of little puppies running around! Oh, but I guess they won't be puppies, will they? They'll be little humans. Great! Just what we need. Hmph. As usual, no one bothered to ask me what I think of all this.

On a lighter note, here are some pictures to brighten everyone's day.

Here I am, mangling a tissue.

Oh, if only that were Penny...

Upstart!

2007-05-25T16:51:00.000-05:00

Well, that was fun. I haven't administered a real smackdown in a while, so it was refreshing. The impertinence!

Ah, the humans are home. I'll have to finish this later.

My Turn

2007-05-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

Hola, muchachos! Sassy the Supreme Almighty Goddess of All Things Everywhere (in her mind) is sleeping, so I am sneaking in here to say that everything she has said about me is unfair. I am NOT annoying; it is NOT my raison d'etre (whatever that means). I am friendly and outgoing and cuddly and have very soft fur. She is JUST JEALOUS. And (uh-oh, I may hear her coming) she is mean and bossy and possessive and I think I've tried really hard to fit in andgetalongandshe

Three Really Is a Crowd

2007-05-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I've written enough about the two nutjobs I live with. I refer to my canine companions, not my human ones, though it really could have been either.

For proof, I submit as evidence Exhibit #1:

Loco, completely loco.

What's Going On?

2007-05-12T09:40:00.000-05:00

Life is too complicated. First we have to add Molly to the mix. Then, just as I'm getting used to her, we have to add the Bane of My Existence, Penny. Who can rest with a little yapping yo-yo bouncing around?

Now there's something strange going on with my female human.

I remember the day when I could easily curl up on her lap and snooze away. Then it got harder to get comfortable and I think, from what they've said, it's because I got bigger. It did seem like things around me got a little smaller. Hmm. Anyway, now it's getting harder to get comfortable again. Am I getting bigger? I don't think so. Nothing else seems smaller. And it really does seem like her stomach is really just in the way more than it used to be. And she and my male human touch it and talk to it sometimes, which is just plain weird. You know, I don't need this; I wish they would consider my feelings for once. Humans are just plain selfish, if you ask me.

Bigger, Soooo Not Better

2007-04-19T10:34:00.000-05:00

This... is just wrong.

Boy, did Molly hate this picture -- not only does it include a horse (believe me, she hates a horse) but also a dog as big as a horse! She barked at it and whined and looked at me as if it were somehow my fault this freak of nature exists. Finally she snorted and left the room in disgust. Hmm, maybe I should print this picture out; I could get some mileage out of it. By which I mean peace and quiet.

I can't believe he's famous just for being a horrific glandular mishap. Where's my Guinness entry for being the most brilliant, talented, and beautiful dog ever? Life simply isn't fair.

Pix

2007-03-21T16:04:00.000-05:00

Here is Penny basking in the glory of my presence. Sorry about the alien eyes, I can't figure out the new software we have.

Here is Penny following Molly. I apologize for the blurriness, I didn't take the photo. You'd think that humans, with the opposable thumbs they're so proud of, would be able to do a better job than that. Obviously you'd be wrong.

Penny's from... El Diablo?

2007-03-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

Carumba, look how long it's been! I've been a little busy. My humans went loco recently, well, the female did, and we have a new, extremely annoying addition to our household. Her name is Penny and, trust me, I did not mislead you with my use of the word "annoying." It is her talent, her gift, her raison d'etre.

She's been around for about 6 weeks now; I suppose that means she's staying. I tried to get the humans to take her somewhere, anywhere, else, but they never listen to me. I'm trying to make the best of it, as I always do. I find her tolerably amusing on occasion. Particularly when she's annoying Molly.

I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

Happy 2007

2007-01-11T17:15:00.000-06:00

Happy 2007, everyone!

We had a happy Christmas and got lots of yummy presents, plus a few furry critters to chew on. (Not real, more's the pity.) We got to go over to Poppa-Nan's on Christmas Day and hang out with all the humans all day.

Our humans put jingle bell wrist cuffs on us to go over, but they didn't last long. What can I say, they were cramping my style! Molly was limping around all pitiful like they hurt or something (what a drama queen!) so Poppa felt sorry for her and took them off. My female human was not too pleased but she gave in and let us go jingle-free.

New Year's Eve and Day were pretty low-key. My humans are kind of lame. But at least they didn't set off fireworks -- brrrr! Hearing them from other people was enough for me! Loud, scary -- ahem, annoying -- things.

We went to see my male human's family last weekend for a late Christmas, and that was fun. Molly had never been there, so everything and everyone was new. Old hat to me, of course. All the humans fawned over her, which was sickening, as you might imagine. Especially since she really has no manners. A neighborhood dog with whom I have quite cordial relations came over to see us while we were outside and Molly lunged at her like she was an alley cat or something. I mean, really! Luckily we were on leashes, so Sweetie just ran away.

I turned 3 on Sunday, can you believe it? My humans didn't really do anything, which stinks. It's unusual, too; they felt bad later and gave me some hugs and pets, but it was too little too late. Humans! Anyway, poor me. I've been giving them more than the usual share of sad eyes lately, hoping to inspire a guilt-driven birthday bash. Any day now.

I'm planning to post some pictures, so check back later! My humans broke the computer, so I'm playing catch-up. *sigh*

Roundhouse, Shmoundhouse -- Try Teeth and Claws

2006-11-30T11:58:00.000-06:00

Sassy does not sleep. She waits.

There is no theory of squirrel evolution. There are just those squirrels Sassy allows to live.

Sassy doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Sassy pajamas.

Sassy doesn’t actually write blog posts; the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Sassy destroyed the periodic table because she only recognizes the element of surprise.

Sassy doesn't throw up if she eats too much. Sassy throws down!

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sassy.

Sassy was what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it’s a Sasstatorship.

(Adapted from Chuck Norris Facts.)

King Freak

2006-11-28T15:23:00.000-06:00

My humans just watched the movie King Kong, which they've had on DVD since, hmm, oh yeah, my male human's birthday in July. They are so lame. Anyway, have you seen this? What a freak of nature! I mean, I guess that's the point. But Santa Maria! That thing was as big as a building! A very hairy and probably extremely smelly building.

The movie was so-so. I didn't find Adrian Brody to be the obnoxious yahoo I usually do, maybe because he wasn't in the central role. Still, I much preferred the gigantic monkey.

I thought many of the action scenes weren't realistic in any sense of the word. I also found them, frankly, boring. Just like the car chase scene in Matrix 2 -- bor-ing. When your action scenes are boring, you've got trouble. It announces to the world that you're so short on story you've got to fill screen time with all of this EXCITING ACTION and these FABULOUS SPECIAL EFFECTS! Yeah, well, I'm not buying it. Here's a tip: edit the darn movie! Three hours is ridiculous. What American can sit still for that long these days? I don't want to work for this. I'm here to be entertained! And for my maximum entertainment, it must be done within two hours or be extra-fabulous. This wasn't either.

So I give it a dewclaw half up. It was okay overall, with some good points, and it made my female human cry at the end, so I guess that's something. (Of course, if she sees any animal hurt, real or not, she cries like a baby, so maybe I shouldn't count that.) If it had been trimmed to a reasonable two hours, I think I could find it in my critical little heart to give it a dewclaw all the way up. Let's hope Peter Jackson doesn't get so enamored with the special effects in his next film that he forgets his audience and their limited attention spans. I've heard that he did a great job with the LOTR trilogy, so maybe this is an aberration. I hope so.

Mi Yarda Es Su Yarda

2006-11-19T11:53:00.000-06:00

Finally my humans left the camera where I could reach it so I could take pictures of our yard. Well, the trees and sky anyway. It was tricky with no thumbs (these dewclaws aren't really functional, you know), but I managed. Molly helped a little.

Look how pretty (click on image for larger view):

Help!

2006-11-12T22:25:00.000-06:00

Just a quick note, mis amigos, while Molly is sleeping. I don't want her to come snuffle her way into this, too. Not that I expect her to wake up any time soon: she is the Ms. Universe Grand Pooh-Bah of sleeping. But I just wanted to say that it is COLD outside now, REALLY COLD, I STILL cannot sleep on the bed, AND I can't get Molly to go chase a squirrel and never come back. So I have no expectation of getting back on the bed any time soon. My humans are all caught up in what they call being "fair"; I'm not sure what that means, but I think it may mean "dedicated to making Sassy miserable on a regular basis."

So, to recap, I am COLD, on the FLOOR, and Molly is still snorting and snoring and grunting and generally keeping me from enjoying my life as I used to. Somebody help me!

To Sleep, Perchance to Freeze

2006-10-30T10:59:00.000-06:00

We -- Molly and I -- have been relegated to sleeping on the floor. Again. Only this time I think the humans mean it. We do have beds of our own, of sorts, and soft blankets. But still. It is cold and drafty down there, and I think it may be sort of insulting, as well. I mean, why can't we sleep on the bed with the humans? We aren't good enough suddenly?

So what happened to cause this sea change?

I think I know: MOLLY. I never had this trouble before she came along. And I can't say that I really blame them; she is large, smelly, and noisy. But I'm not sure why I got dragged down with her. It's completely unfair. This is discrimination. I wonder if I could interest the ACLU in my case?

Maybe I'll just get Molly to play in traffic.

Stormy Weather

2006-10-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been a while. Not too much has been going on. There were a couple of really bad storms that came through here not too long ago; that's what my humans call them, anyway. All I know is that it was mucho loud! I had to hide -- ahem, very reasonably seek shelter -- in the bathroom for quite a while. Both my humans were home all day on one of the days and seemed pretty happy about it. They didn't have to go to work, whatever that is.

Now that the storms have gone through, it is muy bueno outside! The air is brisk, there are new smells, and it all makes me want to play. Molly, too, though sometimes she needs some coaxing. As much as I hate to admit it, we both feel better and have more energy since the humans switched us to the flavorless mush that is now our food. We look better, too, though I wouldn't have thought it was possible in my case. Molly, aka Fatty, had a lot of room for improvement. Pretty soon she'll be The Dog Formerly Known as Fatty.

Here are a couple of examples of how pretty it's been here. These are not pictures we took, alas; I need to get the humans out taking pictures so you can see what it actually looks like here.

Skidboot the Dog

2006-10-10T10:13:00.000-05:00


I could do all of this, too, but my humans have never asked me to. Still, Skidboot is pretty impressive. I wouldn't mind knowing him myself.

Sick as a Dog

2006-10-02T20:27:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been a while; I've been sick. And the picture of Fatty, I mean Molly, took a while to post because my humans wouldn't upload it! Grr.

Anyway, back to me. A couple of weeks ago my humans had to take me on a long car ride to a Dr. Emergency's clinic or something. I didn't like it one bit. They poked and prodded and injected water under my skin; it was gross. I have to admit I feel better now, though I still get a little queasy now and then.

My humans have apparently decided that all I can eat now is something I wouldn't even make Molly eat, but it's all they will give us. (Molly actually is suffering along with me, heh heh.) I keep hoping I'll be able to eat something different soon, but what I'm hearing them say is downright depressing. No more people food. NO MORE. PEOPLE FOOD. Read: NO MORE FOOD WITH FLAVOR. Why do I have to be such a delicate Southern flower? In just this one way, I'd like to be more like the peasant Molly. Her stomach is apparently lined with cast iron.

Just so you'll see what I mean, here's an example of our recent delectable dining experiences:

YUM.

A Weighty Matter

2006-09-26T21:21:00.000-05:00

It seems that some people don't truly believe me when I mention Molly's ever-expanding and, admittedly, almost incredible girth. They seek proof.

Well, your wish is my command, Doubting Thomases. But consider yourselves warned.

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Wild Kingdom

2006-09-06T14:48:00.000-05:00

Well, we had some (more) excitement the other night. We woke up to some unidentifiable bumps and scraping sounds. I sent Molly off to investigate but she didn't discover much. (Useless!) The humans were worried and got up to listen at various places in the house and peek out of windows. They didn't discover much, either. (I will refrain from epithets here since they not only feed me but also can read.)

Finally, they heard dragging sounds emanating from what seemed to be the back room, so my female human called the police, who showed up not too terribly long afterwards and looked around. (So I was told, anyway; I stayed on the bed for most of the goings-on. I failed to see what my getting all ruffled would accomplish.) They didn't find anything amiss. So my humans were a little embarrassed but as my female human said in an upbeat yet undeniably trite way, "Better safe than sorry!" After the policemen left, Molly and I went outside to investigate for ourselves. There didn't seem to be anything unusual underway, or over with, for that matter.

My humans have decided something is living in the attic, though they don't know what, since it sounded like something being dragged across the floor. A squirrel moving insulation about to fashion a cozy nest, perhaps? An owl dragging sad little carcasses to its dark, creepy lair of bones and blood? Or maybe this is the awful dwelling-place of Mothra or Godzilla or the Hideous Freak-Thing That Killed Them?!

I'm SO glad they're looking at houses so we can get out of this creepshow they like to call a "house" and a "yard." ¡Santa Maria, protect me!

Wildlife, British Style

2006-08-26T16:52:00.000-05:00

I have a new paw pal named Indie who just posted about wild animals they have in London. (Yes, London; I'm all sophisticated and global now.) I've decided that I do not want to run across a fox. Too many sharp teeth. But at least it doesn't look like an animal whose creation went horribly awry when God stepped out of the room to mediate a feud between the cows and the sheep or something.

My humans were pleased to learn that fox hunting has been banned in the UK. "Tally ho!" they cried. Whatever that means. I'll say it again, humans are weird. But mine love animals, and they give Molly and me lots of food and scratches and play-animals, so we tolerate their little idiosyncrasies.

The other creatures Indie pictured were familiar -- a pigeon and a squirrel. I find that comforting. It's nice to know that if my humans picked up and moved to London -- which I understand is quite a long way from here, across some sort of pond or other -- I could still chase squirrels! (Yes, I enjoy chasing squirrels, partly because I suspect they like it, too.)

Thanks, Indie, it is nice to know that others have strange creatures in their yards, too!

Mission: Impossumible

2006-08-23T19:24:00.000-05:00

The other evening we were out for our evening constitutional when we espied an odd creature scurrying along the fence (in the yard next to ours, thank goodness -- ahem, I mean, more's the pity). At first my female human thought it was a sick cat or perhaps something called a raccoon, but it turned out to be God's mistake again. I presume it's the same one. I knew Molly was worthless!

This time it climbed a tree. Yes, this complete freak of nature CAN CLIMB TREES. This is not good. Now I'll have to look up all the time to make sure some Ninja possum isn't hurtling down on me, hell-bent on revenge. Because despite the fact that all of its humiliation and rage can be traced directly to Molly, I'm sure that it will be me it will land on. After all, I'm much smaller than the bloated rabble-rouser Molly, and I'm guessing that a strict eye-for-an-eye policy isn't necessarily a major character trait of the Ninja possum.

Playing Possum?

2006-08-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

The other night I was sleeping peacefully, as usual, when I was disturbed by a ruckus outside. It was Molly, going crazy barking at something. I couldn't make out everything she was saying, but the gist was along the lines of "Who are you?! What do you want here?!" Only more incoherent.

My male human was outside with her and he came in to get a flashlight. My female human asked what was going on and he said Molly had something cornered. A few minutes later he came back in for the camera. (I enjoy that they do this for me, though I wish I could operate it; their pictures often leave much to be desired.) He said it was a possum. My female human remarked that it was three o'clock in the morning (the significance of that remark escaped me, but she didn't seem happy about it) but she got up.

Here is the sight that greeted us, and I ask you, is this something to be awakened for? I thought I was having a nightmare.

Molly ran at it (it was holed up inside a cinderblock affair) and the humans yelled, "Molly, no!" so she backed off. That was enough for me. I waited on the steps until they were finished staring at it. I'm not sure what the fascination was; I personally do not find it edifying in the least to ogle God's mistakes. Especially when they come with sharp teeth.

If this is what they mean when they say "playing possum," I admit that I don't really see the playfulness. But who knows what humans mean when they say anything?

I just wanted to go back to bed and forget that such creatures even exist. Thankfully, we haven't seen it since. I guess Molly's good for something, after all.

Creature Feature

2006-07-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, again! I don’t know what’s going on in our backyard, but I don’t like it. Apparently, if you're a bug, this is party central, something akin to Studio 54 in its heyday. Look at the photo evidence, if you don't believe me. You think the white powder on that ant-thing is just dirt?

Apparently, this is coming-out season for society locusts, and our steps are the new hot location for their debutante balls. We never know when we'll discover yet another locust coming out right on our steps. (Just between you and me, I find the whole thing melodramatic and overrated. Not to mention gross.)

And do you see the stick-bug has its own Mini-Me? Is that a midget stick-bug? A dwarf? (Or, to be PC, a Little Bug?) Or is that its child? I'm going with child. I don't think a bug would willingly drag around another one unless it either gave birth to it or planned to snack on it later.

All I'm saying is, it's crazy out there. I try to ignore them all as best I can. "Live and let live" -- that's my motto. I just hope it's theirs, too.

Visitors, Parte Dos

2006-07-17T11:31:00.000-05:00

The little humans, Emily and Zachary, were here again last week. They even spent the night here! I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. My female human wasn’t too pleased about that; she said she couldn’t sleep either and the next day she had to go to work and couldn’t lay around and sleep all day! Whatever that means.

Anyway, it was very fun to have them here. Molly enjoyed it, too. Emily lets me lick her in the face to show my affection, but Zack doesn’t like that so much. I don’t know why.

The Power of the Booty

2006-07-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

I've got some incredible moves. Molly knows; she has to face the wrath of the Kung Fu Queen on a daily basis. I've got a patented spinning butt thrust that works every time. She never sees it coming. I call it the Booty Smackdown.

Me in Action

You can see Molly is taken aback by my astonishing prowess, or my wicked mad skillz, as the kids like to say. Yo, Dawg.

Infirmary

2006-06-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

We are falling apart over here! My ears are driving me crazy and all my humans do is look at them and rub some sticky stuff on them that frankly doesn't seem to do any good. Well, sometimes they also rub them, and that feels nice. But this itch is driving me loco!

Now Molly is having some sort of ache or pain. She doesn't say what's wrong, but she won't jump up on anything anymore, she just sits there and grumbles until one of the humans lifts her up. And it takes a while, because the humans are reluctant, due to Molly's... heft. Sometimes when they do lift her, she whimpers like it hurt, but she won't say what's wrong. The humans are worried about her but they can't figure out what's wrong with her either. Maybe she'll feel better today.

My human female was sick about a week ago; it was revolting. My advice: don't hang around a sick human, especially if you are shorter than she is. I had to have a bath.

She was very embarrassed about that and really just pitiful in general, but thankfully the grossness didn't last too long and she is now feeling much better.

My male human is the same as ever.

Visitors

2006-06-12T16:08:00.000-05:00

We had some excitement this weekend. The two small humans came to visit! That is always fun, and sometimes scary. The little male can be unpredictable. I also got to see the female human that sounds oddly like my female human. I don't know why they sound so much alike. It's very disconcerting.

We also got to go over to Poppa-Nan's again. That was mostly fun, though Poppa seemed a little grumpy. He didn't sneak me one bite of food! Oh well. Molly, of course, did not get to go outside without being tethered to a human this time. (They can be taught!) She wanted to go exploring but they were very careful. I told her it was her own fault, but she just said, "A dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do." Whatever that means. She's entirely too cryptic for my taste.

This is me after the little humans left. They wear me out.

Variety is the Spice of a Dog's Life

2006-06-03T12:21:00.000-05:00

I don’t understand what’s going on lately. Not too long ago I was cooped up in a relatively small space, left to look out the window for various spans of time, then taken for walks in diverse areas in my neighborhood. Nice variety of scents and scenes.

Now I’m cooped up in a larger space, still sometimes left to look out the window for various spans of time, but I’m rarely taken for walks anymore! Instead, I am taken out to the same space day after monotonous day. Granted, I’m not tethered to a human when I do this, but still it is extremely boring. Molly doesn’t seem to mind, but then she seems to resent being tethered to humans, so maybe she prefers bodily freedom over intellectual freedom. And maybe it doesn’t mean as much to her to go to new places since she doesn’t scent very well anyway.

We did go over to Poppa-Nan’s not long ago and my humans made the mistake of letting Molly outside untethered. She immediately ran for the border! (I was impressed; I didn’t think she had it in her to grasp possibilities so quickly.) My humans were very worried, which manifested itself largely in walking up and down the place they had last seen her, calling her name. (Humans are a puzzle to me most of the time.) My male human actually went in search of her and finally found her mixed up in a common brawl with a chow down the street. (Doesn’t she know to stay away from chows? I’ve never known one who wouldn’t as quickly bite off your nose as say how-do-you-do.) Anyway, the humans were very excited and tried to tell Molly she shouldn’t do that, but I can tell you it fell on deaf ears. She’ll do it again if given half a chance.

I was very good. I stayed in the yard like we are supposed to. There was plenty to smell there, anyway, without running off into who-knows-what. Molly sometimes doesn’t seem to have the sense God gave a goose.

¿Que pasa?

2006-05-27T17:56:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know what to make of this. Suddenly it appeared in our back yard, and I can't help but wonder... is this where Godzilla lives? I haven't seen him since our epic encounter (and, I might add, his ignominious defeat) on the front porch. Has he been here all along, waiting for a chance to wreak his terrible vengeance? Searching for a chink in my armor, hoping for one fatal second of inattention? Did he kill Mothra while waiting to avenge his wounded pride? Or is it something else, something worse? Some hideous mutant hell-beast that killed both Mothra and Godzilla??

I need to go lie down.

Not a Pretty Girl

2006-05-24T21:07:00.000-05:00

At the risk of sounding insecure, I have to mention Molly again. My humans keep paying a lot of attention to her, and my male human even went so far as to call her "Pretty Girl." I kid you not. Here's the gang of plug-uglies that I think she most closely resembles; I promise you won't find a pretty girl in the lot.

Next...

And finally...

I rest my case.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

2006-05-23T15:06:00.000-05:00

I had a moment of weakness today; I doubted myself. Hard to believe, I know, but it's true. My humans have been paying a lot of attention to Molly lately, and I wondered if I was losing my lustre. Is she the new standard of beauty, I wondered; could it be? But then I went and looked in the mirror. And no. It couldn't be. I'm still la señorita bonita, la muchacha más hermosa. Once again I am smug and superior. Er, I mean happy and satisfied.

Skeptical? You be the judge.

Way Off Track

2006-05-15T09:21:00.000-05:00

We watched Derailed last night, and I have to say, I do not like that Clive Owen guy. I don't know why, he just makes my hackles rise. My humans seem to like him okay, but they aren't always as perspicacious as I am. Honestly, I didn't even watch the whole movie, partly because of the Owen blight, but also because I figured out "the twist" early on and then what was the point? A lot of posturing and unnecessary violence, if you ask me. Overall, I thought it was predictable, overly violent, melodramatic, and extremely contrived. Two dewclaws way down.

Mothra!

2006-05-09T16:18:00.000-05:00

In an odd and potentially meaningful and definitely frightening coincidence, I have now faced Mothra as well as Godzilla. Unfortunately, my humans were too lame to get a picture of it alive. (If only I had access to the photography equipment! Note to self...) We'll have to make do with a picture of the dead Mothra. I would like to take credit for the heroic rescue of my humans and the Mollster (she hates that, heh heh heh), but alas, I cannot. We found Mothra this morning, stiff and cold in the backyard. Kind of sad, really. But it begs the worrying question: WHAT KILLED IT? And I am unable to fathom the meaning of this; have we been marked as these mutant monsters' prey for some unintentional slight? Or worse, have I?

It's a Mystery

2006-05-03T17:33:00.000-05:00

Last night at 3 o'clock in the morning -- THREE O'CLOCK -- all of us were startled awake by a chorus of barks, yips, whimpers, and whines. I couldn't understand what any of the malcontents were saying, since they were all talking at once and I was asleep when it started. Molly and I barked (mostly What? What was that? Come again?) and rushed around (well, Molly did; I was standing guard on the bed) but didn't find anything; my humans sat up and talked and looked out windows. We were all unsettled. The noises stopped suddenly while my male human was looking out the window. Then as we were settling back down and trying to get to sleep, it started up again. Same thing, but it didn't last as long. Then a little while after that, we heard a dog baying. I couldn't make out what she was saying, she seemed further away than the earlier cacophony. All of this took place over the course of about an hour and a half. My humans have talked about it since, and apparently they can't figure it out either. They said they looked around outside and don't see any evidence of puppies, though that's what it sounded like to them. I have to agree. And Molly and I didn't find anything unusual outside either. Have we all gone loco???

The Tao of Poo

2006-05-01T18:00:00.000-05:00

I just want to explain something to humans. My humans take me outside regularly to "do my business," as they so euphemistically put it. Then they get impatient while I find the proper place to do said business. They don't seem to understand that there is an art to this process. I have to smell the area, perform a visual check, and walk around to screen for uneven ground, sticks, anthills, acorns, rocks, etc. Once I sense the area feels right, I can leave my fertilizing gift for Nature. It's a delicate balance, a Zen-like spiritual exchange. But do my humans understand? Well, maybe they will, if they read this. Please, people, respect the business!

I realize that Molly does not view the process as an exchange between herself and Nature, as I do, but we all know the intellectual level she's working at.

Or do we...?

Something's up

2006-04-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

I swear Molly was on the computer today. I mean working on it, people! I think she's trying to set up a blog on the sly. I was looking out the front window, minding my own business, playing right into her hands, apparently, when I heard something from the study. I listened -- nothing -- then click, click, click. Typing! So I jumped down and ran in there but she was just sitting on the floor, with that dumb vacant look. (See what I mean?)

I'm beginning to suspect the dumb act may be just that...

It really is a dog-eat-dog world...

2006-04-19T17:50:00.000-05:00

At least it was at our house this weekend. Sydney and Annie came to visit, and Molly did not like them. Not at all. The humans had to keep pulling Annie and Molly apart, and they couldn't stay in the same part of the house with us when the humans were gone. Molly got a scratch across her chest, but seems okay. Sydney just tried to avoid her; she's not a fighter like Annie. I think Molly was just protecting her territory; after all, she'd never met them before. And Annie just doesn't like other dogs at all. I have vivid memories of being pinned by her when I would go visit them at their house.

Good times, good times.

Annie, looking deceptively un-ferocious

Sydney, resting on her beanbag

Godzilla!

2006-04-05T17:33:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, I came across something odd, and from things my humans have talked about in the past, I think it might have been Godzilla. Or a lizard. Anyway, it was very strange, small and green with a red throat one minute, opening its mouth like it's going to bite me, and then brown and still the next. Odd. I didn't know what to make of it. My humans didn't seem to want me to hurt it. Hurt it! I couldn't figure out what it was!

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

2006-03-31T12:12:00.000-06:00

It might as well have been. First my humans trick me into the car, where I think we'll go to see some nice humans, like Poppa-Nan. Then we go to some place I've never been and I get poked and prodded by humans I've never seen or smelled before! First some female human put me on some big platform thing and kept trying to hold me still, without explaining what she was doing, and it was very scary, so I had a little accident. I've never had this particular sort of accident before, so it was very surprising and humiliating. But I think, from something my humans said, it saved me from getting probed in a very delicate area, so maybe it was for the best. Then I'm sliding around on a hard metal table with some male human I don't know holding me and being altogether too familiar with me, in my opinion. My humans are just standing around saying, "Good girl, you're being so good." Do something resembling anything and get me out of here! But they didn't.

Then another male human comes in and talks and shines lights in my eyes and lifts my ears and tries to look at my teeth and pokes me with sharp things several times. Then a female human comes in and starts clipping my nails, coming mighty close to pain a few times. (Though I have to admit in retrospect she did a pretty good job.) Finally the torture session was over and I could go outside and sniff around and leave my mark on the place. If only my humans would simply have given me time to adjust, but no, they had to rush me in and get right to the pain and humiliation. I really just wanted to bite someone, but my good breeding wouldn't allow it.

I've lost a little weight. It must be from all the running and playing Molly and I do, because I'm eating more than ever. I weigh 15.8 pounds now, my fighting weight. It's good to be this svelte again, though I still think I looked just fine with a few more pounds. (Apparently this is what the female was doing earlier with the platform that scared me. Why didn't she just say so?)

Now I'm finally back home where I belong and am feeling quite exhausted. Dios mio, what a day!

Molly & Me

2006-03-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

Another beautiful day

2006-03-25T15:42:00.000-06:00

My female human is gone again; she's gone a lot during the day. I don't like it. But my male human is home and I like that. He is often on the computer or in the bathroom, though. He doesn't pay enough attention to me. At least I have Molly. She's pretty fun to play with when she's not comatose. I'm still working on putting up a picture of her; I hope to get that done this weekend.

The weather is beautiful! It's cool and sunny. I like to stay outside and chase squirrels and dig in the dirt on days like this. Well, I like to do that any day, really, as long as it isn't raining. The only good thing about rain is the puddles it makes.

I don't know why we never go to our old house anymore, and I miss seeing Sydney and Annie and the two little humans, Emily and Zachary. They are great humans; they run and play and let me lick them, especially Emily. She doesn't make faces and say, "Eww, bad breath!" Whatever that means. It must mean the human saying it doesn't like kisses, because they usually push me away when they say it. Oh well, their loss.

I like this house much better than the old one, other than that. Sometimes weird noises came from the floor at the old house, and my humans would sometimes get angry about it, especially when it was loud. The people under the floor there were not nice; we did not like them. I don't miss them at all. They were muy loco.

Those humans...

2006-03-23T15:57:00.001-06:00

Hola once more! I know I have been remiss in my postings, but not much has been going on. Molly still has trouble with the inside/outside thing, but I'm not sure it isn't due to some sort of physical problem, rather than mental. I've decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

My humans took pictures of us the other day, so I want to post a picture to show you all what Molly looks like. Poor thing, she suffers in comparison to my perfection, but then who wouldn't? She doesn't care, I find, so we get along just fine. Anyway, I'll post a picture as soon as my humans fix the computer. My male human has done something to bollix up the works, so I have to wait. Sigh. Sometimes my humans are a trial. They drive me loco!

Another day...

2006-03-14T09:09:00.000-06:00

The past couple of days have been pretty good. Nothing very exciting going on. We did have some company but no one stayed too long. Inside, anyway. There was a human male and a human female outside for a while the other day; I barked to let my humans know but they didn't seem too upset. I don't know if they knew what was going on, or if they missed the whole thing. Sometimes I wonder how much they understand.

We have some more obstacles in the house now. Two human males brought it over the other day and put all of it in the empty room. The human Brooks laid down on the floor by it (to "fix" something, I think he said) and I got to lick his ear. I do love that human.

Yesterday Nan came over to let Molly and me outside and that was exciting. She's a good human, too. The weather started off yucky but got better, which is good. Molly didn't want to come back inside.

Today is beautiful outside. ¡Muy magnífico! I wish we could stay outside. My human female said she would leave us outside, but she doesn't think the yard is safe for me. Apparently since I got out of the pen at Sydney and Annie's house, they think I'm some sort of canine Houdini. They don't seem to realize that Sydney and Annie are just bigger than I am. Anyway, they are worried I'll get out of the yard here so we don't get to stay outside. I wish we could and I know Molly does. Maybe one day.

Hard at Work

2006-03-11T07:50:00.000-06:00

Rainy day

2006-03-09T12:18:00.000-06:00

¡Ay carumba! It is so loud outside! Very rainy and windy and dark. I don't like thunder at all; it is too loud and I don't really understand what's going on. I found a nice place in the bathroom on some clothes my humans thoughtfully left on the floor this morning and waited it out. It didn't bother Molly at all. I don't think she's smart enough to know it's scary. Not that I was scared. It seems to be over now; it's just grey outside. Now when I go out I will have to get my paws wet. I don't care for wet grass at all. But I do like jumping in puddles. That's an entirely different thing and a lot of fun. My humans don't seem to like it when I do that; they don't know how to have fun, if you ask me.

My female human came home for lunch today and that was nice. It had stopped raining so we got to go outside, but I kept to the concrete as much as possible. Molly got in trouble for doing her business inside again, but I don't think she gets it. I've tried to tell her that we don't do that, it just isn't done, but she won't listen to me.

¡Hola!

2006-03-08T17:34:00.000-06:00

Hello, my public! Let me start by saying that you need to forgive me if there are any typos in my postings; not having human hands makes typing tricky! But I will do my best.

Some of you may know that I have a new "sister" (as my male human is wont to call her); her name is Molly. She's okay. I enjoy playing with her, but she always eats my food and takes my bones. She can be a real bully. Why do I allow this to happen, you ask? She's bigger than I am, if you must know, and also, ladies don't get into common brawls. So I choose to allow her to take the food or the treat or whatever is so important to her; I'd rather not get ruffled. She's also noisy and um... how can I put this delicately? Fragrant? Noisomely fragrant? She's supposedly a purebreed, but she seems awfully common.

I don't want to be too hard on her; she is nice most of the time, and it is nice to have company. Especially since the humans are gone all day.

We have some new rules around the house that I suspect are because of Molly. I can no longer get into the bedroom for my afternoon siestas; they close the doors during the day! Also, I'm not allowed on the bed to play or to sleep. That was a long-established, time-honored tradition but do they care? Humans. They don't understand loyalty. So now I have to sleep on the floor on a dog bed, like a dog. I don't like thinking about it.

Uh-oh, here comes Molly. I wonder what she wants. Probably to take the keyboard. I better sign off or she's going to break something. I'll write more when she's taking one of her many naps. Adios!